Tuesday, May 06, 2008
depress$BlogItemTitle$>
i cried... all the way from i sat down in e bus..
till i got alight..
i continued whn i got home after start replying a fren's abt how i felt.
好痛苦
i felt so lost..
i dunu any direction..
WHY!!
why do i play e piano for??
i play now is for e sake of taking the exam in sept.
whereby my teacher see tat i would fail...
she see it coming...
i wanna feel it!
i wanna feel e beauty of piano..
i wanna feel e beauty of music...
how shld i continue?
i cant play it well, cant get e feel..
i msn-ed wid my fren, e same one, as well as cpt yusri..
i feel these 2 ppl could help me...
my fren said "once you take music seriously, you 4get all e simple pleasure you once had"
i wanna tke it seriously..
i respect it..
respect my love for it.
but somehow i 4got wad is e pleasure i got from playing piano..
i said i dunu wad is gd music perhaps.
i dunu how 2 diff gd tone n bad tone on piano.
my touch is wrong
my feel is wrong
wrong wrong and wrong...
i asked will listening to bad music "de-prove" yourself,
i was answered " you hav 2 learn to live in this environment where not every1 is as gd"
also, mayb i hav 2 get e idea 2 myself tt nt everywhere i can b as gd..
i jus hav 2 try 2 be gd or better.
no need 2 force myself.
i seriously don wanna fail this exam..
i hav nvr failed ABRSM exam b4.
[calm down]
my natural tap from my eyes hav nvr stop since i start e msg 2 my fren till now..
it lasted for an hr plus...
i guess i ran out of tears..
really tired..
this kinda feeling of lost...
no1 can understand...
i guess i'll jus try my best..
nitez loves..
11:25 PM